The Adventures of Baby Sitting
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: Tom Hanson, Doug Penhall, and a baby? This can only mean trouble. What antics can they get into while having to babysit Doug's neice for a weekend? Click to find out! This story is officially back from hiatus! PREVIOUSLY: BABYSITTING, THE MCQUAID WAY.
1. Doug's Little Favor

A/N: I don't own 21 Jump Street…despite my hopes, dreams, and wishes

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A/N: I don't own 21 Jump Street…despite my hopes, dreams, and wishes.

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"Tommy? Tommy? Where are you?"

Tom Hanson rolled his eyes as he pulled the comforter over his head in hopes of losing himself beneath the cotton-polyester blend. Unfortunately, he was not quite no lucky. His bedroom door opened and a not so patient Doug Penhall came barging in.

"Tom! Come on, get up!" Doug urged, ripping the comforter off, revealing Tom in only his boxers. Tom flinched as the air hit his revealed skin. Why couldn't Doug just leave? Didn't he know he needed his sleep?

"What do you want, Doug?" Tom demanded.

"Just a favor."

Tom squeezed his eyes shut. Of all the things to want! Tom glanced over at the clock. It was nine in the morning! Nine in the freaking morning on his day off from work and here was Doug asking for favors. If he thought he was going to get some action this early, he was dead wrong.

"Doug, I'm tired."

"You aren't tired. You're lazy. There's a difference."

"Doug, please," Tom begged, "I just want to sleep."

"But I need a favor," Doug's voice changed suddenly to a softer tone as he traced his finger along Tom's neck, inducing a shiver.

"Doug," Tom batted his hand away, "Not now! I'm tired and I just want to sleep. What could you possibly want this early and if you say sex you're a dead man!"

"I just need a tiny favor."

"So you've said. I just need my comforter back and another two hours of sleep!"

"Grouchy in the mornings are we?" Doug asked, cocking a jovial eyebrow.

"Shut up!" Hanson growled, "Find some other means of entertainment."

"I don't want other means of entertainment!" Doug whined, "I want you."

"Doug," Tom winced, "Any other time…"

"Look, I don't want what you think, Tommy."

"You don't?" Tom shot him a skeptical glance. If not sex, what did Doug want? Tom began to grow worried. He wasn't in the mood for any of Doug's usual nonsense.

"Nope. I just want a favor."

"Doug, you keep telling me that but in order for me to agree to this so called favor, you must tell me what this so called favor is!" Tom didn't mean to snap, he just did. Upon seeing Doug's hurt expression, Tom softened, "Doug, just tell me what you want."

"Okay…" Doug sighed as he ran a hand through his messy brown hair, "You know Dianna?"

"Your sister?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah. So?"

"So she has this kid…a baby actually and…"

"And?"

"Well, come see for yourself," Doug urged as he grabbed Tom by the hand and drug him out of bed.

"This had better be important Doug, or I can assure you aren't getting anything from me, no favors, no nothing for quite a long time."

"It is important. Just come see!"

Doug dragged Tom out of his room and to his living room. Tom's eyes widened upon seeing a car seat, complete with baby, perched upon the coffee table.

"Uh…Doug?"

"Yeah Tom?"

"What the hell is that?"

"That's a baby, Tommy. You know the things you get when a girl and a guy…"

"I know what a baby is Doug," Tom was shouting now, "I want to know WHAT IT'S DOING IN MY HOUSE!"

"It's sleeping. Well, until you wake it up with your ever-so-rude screaming."

"Doug, now isn't the time! What is a freakin' baby doing in my living room?"

"You know my sister?"

"Doug, we've been through this. Now tell me, WHY IS THERE A BABY IN MY LIVING ROOM?"

"Well…" Doug ran another hand through his hair, "You see…Dianna went out of town to visit some friends and she needed a baby sitter and…"

"And?"

"And I said I would."

"Well good for you," Tom nodded civilly, "Now that you've shared this tid bit with me, you can pack up the baby and go home."

"Well…that's the thing, Tommy. My apartment is being renovated. I need a place to chill."

"This is not happening," Tom shook his head, "This is not happening. This is not happening!"

"I've asked Harry and Booker and Judy and they all said no."

"And I'm your last option, huh?"

"Yeah," Doug shrugged, "But if you don't want me to stay here with the baby then I'll just pack everything up and find some place else. Maybe Blowfish will let me stay with him…"

"You aren't staying with Blowfish," Tom sighed, "How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long will you and the kid have to chill here?"

"Just the weekend."

"Today, tomorrow, and Sunday. Then you'll be gone?"

"Yeah," Doug nodded happily, "You won't even notice we're here!"

Just at that particular moment, the baby chose to wake up and start wailing like a banshee. Tom stretched his neck over to the car seat and bit his lower lip.

"You were saying, Doug?"

"Tom, she's just a little upset right now. You were screaming like a maniac! You scared her!"

"I did no such thing! This is my apartment, Doug. I can scream when I want to!"

"You're scaring her again!" Doug shouted over the baby's screams.

"Doug, I'm not good with babies – hell, I don't even like the messy buggers – but don't you think if she's crying you should…I don't know…hold her or something?"

"Right!" Doug nodded as if Tom had just had a huge scientific break through, "Come here Gracie! Aww…no need to cry. Uncle Tommy's just a big meanie head. He's totally harmless."

"DOUG!"

"See, he's just a big ol' meaning butt!"

"DOUG!"

"Shut up, Tom!" Doug shot Tom a death glare, "You don't want her to start screaming again, do you?"

Tom sighed and collapsed onto the leather couch. He suddenly had a hauting preminission that Doug had been dead wrong in saying that he wouldn't notice them.

"Uh…Tommy?"

"Yeah Doug?" Tom asked, rolling his eyes impatiently.

"Do you have any towels?"

"Yeah…why?"

"Gracie spit up."

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A/N: Okay, so what do you think so far?

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	2. Monkey Cage!

Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Uh…Tommy?"

"Yeah Doug?" Tom asked, rolling his eyes impatiently.

"Do you have any towels?"

"Yeah…why?"

"Gracie spit up."

"GOD DAMN IT!"

"Tom…please, don't yell!" Doug hissed, "It really does scare her."

"Since when did you become a baby expert?" Tom demanded, "There's towels in the bathroom."

"Alright, thanks buddy. Here you go," Doug lifted Gracie from her car seat and proceeded to hand her over to Tom who was in the process of backing away with his hands up in the air.

"Uh-uh, nooo way Dougie. I am not holding that thing!"

"It isn't a _thing _it's a baby!"

"Can't you just hold it while you get the towel? Or better yet, I'll go get you the towels. There! Win win for everyone!"

"Tom…" Doug stuck out his lower lip and made it quiver. Tom bit his bottom lip. He knew he was caving. He could never resist that look. It's was his weakness and Doug knew it.

"Fine," Tom rolled his eyes, "I'll hold the baby. But I won't like it!"

Doug grinned as he placed Gracie in the awkward arms of Tom Hanson. Tom had never held a baby before and the experience was enlightening. Gracie smiled a big, thoothless grin at him and Tom could almost feel his heart melt at that moment. She liked him! The kid actually liked him!

"Found the towels," Doug said, returning all too soon in Tom's opinion, and taking Gracie from Tom's arms and snuggling her against his own, "Was Uncle Tom nice to you?"

"Well, the kid aint half bad," Tom shrugged, "But I still hate babies. They're like drunks!"

"Drunks?" Doug raised a suspecting eyebrow.

"Yeah, you have to hold on to them, they bump into things, they laugh, they cry, the vomit, they urinate…"

"Tom you're such a moron," Doug rolled his eyes, "Babies are not like drunks. They're sweet, angelic, and miracles in and of themselves."

"Okay, Dougie, don't be getting all sappy on me," Tom shot Doug a look, "So…now that we've cleaned her up, what do we do with her?"

"Um…well, we could take her to the park."

"She's too little to go to the park."

"We could take her to the zoo!"

"THE ZOO!" Tom's eyes lit up, "Ah-hem, I mean…I think the zoo is a lovely idea."

"I think someone likes the zoo, huh Gracie? A someone by the name of Tom Hanson?"

"Shut up," Tom glared at Doug, "I do not like the zoo…it's just…entertaining."

"Sure it is. What's you're favorite part of the zoo?"

"THE MONKEY CAGE!"

"Looks like he does like the zoo, huh Gracie," Doug grinned as he put Gracie back in her car seat, "Okay, let's go. The zoo opens at ten."

"And you know this…how?"

"I…I just…"

"Looks like your Uncle Dougie like the zoo too," Tom smirked, "We'll take the Mustang."

"No we won't," Doug shot Tom a look, "The Mustang is not a suitable car for a baby!"

"I rode in it when I was a kid."

"Yeah but this is different," Doug swung the baby bag with purple elephants dancing on it over his shoulder, "Let's go. We're taking the sedan."

"Fine," Tom rolled his eyes, "Let's just go before those annoying snot-nose kids crowd around the monkey cage! I love those monkeys!"

"Uh-huh," Doug laughed as they made their way downstairs and out to his blue sedan. Doug Penhall, Tom Hanson, a baby, and the monkey cage…this can only lead to trouble!

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A/N: I love Johnny's little baby analogy! Gotta love Johnny! Anyways, please let me know what you think of this so far.

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	3. Monkey Cage Mayhem!

Chapter Three

Chapter Three

In all actuality, it was a pretty funny sight: A grown man, twenty-five to be exact, running over to the monkey cage. Now, it might now have been _that _unusual but keep in mind the attire of this man. He was wearing washed-out blue jeans, a white t-shirt, washed out denim jacket, and worn out converse. This man was a "punk" by the standards of the average-American person so of course, it's surprising that he would be running towards the monkey cage.

What was even weirder was the fact that he was followed by another grown man pushing a baby stroller. Yup, it was a very unusual sight but then again it was Tom and Doug so what'd you honestly expect?

"Tommy, geeze!" Doug finally caught up to him and was panting. Little Gracie was looking at Tom with wide eyes and a smile, "Could you be any faster?"

"Give me a seventeen year old boy who has been photographing underage girls for a living and I can," Tom smirked in reference to their past case. The boy Tom had mentioned had made a run of it and Tom, being the girl-respecting man he was took after the guy and within a minute had him handcuffed and in the back of his Mustang. If given the right circumstances, Tom was fast.

"Okay, so here are the monkeys," Doug nodded towards a cage of capuchins, "Can we go to lions now?"

"No! I want to see the monkeys."

"You've seen the monkeys," Doug was going to say something else but noticed Tom was no longer with them. Instead, he had pushed his way to the front of the pack of people to observe the monkeys up close and personal.

"Doug! Look at this little fella right over here. Aint he a cutie?"

"Oh yeah. See if you can get his number while you're at it!"

"Shut up!" Tom shot Doug a death-glare and proceeded to talk to the monkey as if it were a baby, "Aw, hi little fella. You're a cutie. Yesh you are! Such a cutesie woostie!" During this little conversation, Tom felt the need to stick his face up against the cold metal of the cage. The 'custesie woostie" didn't like the idea of some strange man's face on his cage and had the brilliant idea to grab onto Tom's auburn locks, "AHHH! DOUG! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

Upon seeing his boyfriend with a monkey as a hair accessory, Doug bursts into fits of laughter to Tom's dismay.

"Sorry, Tom," Doug laughed.

"JUST GET IT OFF!"

"Aw, but it's such a 'cutesie woostie!'"

"NOW!" Tom roared.

"Alright, alright," Dough sighed as he made his way through the crowds of snickering children, "Here, I'm gonna pull and it might hurt a little but be a man about it Tommy, got it."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I haven't touched you yet," Doug glared at Tom, "Now there we go. All free."

"Thank you," Tom replied stiffly, "Damn monkeys!"

"You know, I _am _always telling you to cut your hair."

"Tom Hanson doesn't cut his hair for anyone but Tom Hanson!" Tom set his jaw firmly as Doug proceeded to unbuckle Gracie's stroller, "What are you doing?"

"Taking her out to hold her. Babies need attention you know. You can't just leave them in a playpen or stroller."

"Why not?" Tom asked in all seriousness.

"Come on, Gracie. Uncle Doug wants to go see the lions and maybe if Uncle Tommy behaves, a lion won't attack that animal on his head."

"Shut up!" Tom's hands quickly went to his long brown hair that fell against his distinguished cheek bones, "No one insults the hair. _No one_."

--

"Look at that one!" Doug pointed to a male lion lounging on top of one of the rocks, "Hey kitty, kitty!"

"Doug don't baby it like that. Lions are distinguished. They need distinguished names."

"Like what?" Doug asked, a smile playing on his lips, "Cutesie wootsie?"

"Shut up! I mean like Aslan."

"Aslan?"

"Don't you read?" Tom asked, rolling his eyes.

"No I don't," Doug shook his head, "I aint no nerd like you are! Besides, what the hell kind of name is Aslan?"

"It's in the Narnia books. My dad used to read them to me. It's a bunch of symbolic stuff like God, heaven, Christ, that sort of stuff."

"Okay, whatever," Doug rolled his eyes, "What do you think of the lions, Gracie?"

As soon as he asked, the baby began to let out a wail. Tom gave her a disgusted face. That's one thing he hated about babies – they cried too much. They couldn't use words to say what they needed they just screamed. Very immature.

"Shut her up!" Tom snapped at Doug.

"I think she's hungry. Let's take her to the hot dog stand back by the Flamingos."

"Babies can't eat chili dogs!" Tom's eyes widened, "Didn't anyone teach you anything?"

"Not about babies."

"Doug, babies need baby food, baby milk, NOT CHILI DOGS!"

"Jeeze, Mr. Mom much?"

"Shut up, Doug. Alls I know about this kind of stuff is that babies need milk until they reach a certain age. How old is she anyways?"

"Six months," Doug replied.

"Okay, just to be safe, let's just stick to milk. Now then, please tell me that there's formula and a bottle in that utterly ridiculous baby bag."

"Uh…" Doug looked worried.

"Doug! Fine," Tom bent down to the stroller's level and searched through the bag, "We've got diapers, formula, and bottles! I think we're covered!"

"Great," Doug sighed, "Okay, figure out how to make her her formula."

"Don't you know?" Tom snapped.

"No…do you?"

"Not at all."

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A/N: Oh those boys! They just keep getting themselves into heaps of trouble. Anyways, please, please, please review. No one seems to like this story!

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	4. A Matter of Omission

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A/N: Oh those boys! They just keep getting themselves into heaps of trouble. Anyways, please review!

Tom and Doug sat down on a park bench with a cylinder of formula. Doug was currently bouncing Gracie on his hip while Tom was in the process of trying to read the instructions on the formula.

"Okay, it says we need to mix a cup of this stuff with two cups of water in the bottle, mix it up, and give it to her."

"That sounds disgusting! I'd rather have the chili dog."

"Yeah well…" Tom grabbed the bottle from the bag, "Alright, I'm going over to the water fountain. You watch the kid."

Doug nodded and turned Gracie around on his knee so that she was facing him.

"Do you honestly want to eat that goop for lunch?" Doug asked. Gracie smiled a big grin and Doug knew his answer, "Alrighty then, let's go get you a chili dog!"

--

Tom Hanson strolled back over to the bench only to find that Doug and the baby were gone! The only thing that was left of them was the formula. Growling, Tom snatched up the formula and marched over towards the chili dog stand. Doug and Gracie were currently waiting in line.

"Doug, what the hell?" Tom shouted, several disapproving mothers shot him a look.

"Look Tom, here's the thing: I asked the kid if she liked the formula and she smiled. Now, I can't force her to eat something she doesn't like."

"Yes you can! And she doesn't know what you said, Doug. She's a baby!"

"So…no chili dog then?"

His answer was a slap upside the head.

"Tommy?"

"Come on, bring Gracie. She's having formula rather she likes it or not."

"Hehehe."

"What?" Tom shot the giggling man a look.

"You already sound like her father!"

"No way! I do not! Now get the kid and bring her back to the bench. We can feed her there."

As Gracie sucked the nipple of the bottle, Tom couldn't help but smile at her.

"See, why can't she be like this all the time?" Tom asked, "Nice, sweet, and quiet."

"She looks tired."

"Alright, grab the bag and the stroller…"

"What? Why?" Doug demanded.

"She's tired. We're going home."

"But…the gift shop!"

Tom rolled his eyes as he gathered Gracie and her things.

"You are such a fun sucker, Tom Hanson!"

--

"So what do you propose we do with her?" Tom asked Doug.

Gracie was currently asleep in her car seat and Tom and Doug were sitting on the couch sipping cold beers.

"What do you mean?"

"Well we can't exactly take her to work tomorrow, can we?"

"Why not?"

"Yeah, bring a baby in the middle of an undercover job, real genius, Doug."

"Well, Judy is finishing up some paper work tomorrow. We can leave Gracie with her. She'll probably sleep most of the time anyways."

"I am not sticking Judy with your mess!" Tom glared at Doug, "Alright, we'll take a break from the case and work on filing. We'll check with Fuller first and make sure that's okay…"

"He'll be fine with it. He's brought his kid to work before."

"His kid is not a six month old baby, Doug!"

"Alright, I'll call Fuller."

--

"Eh, what's up, doc?"

"Doug?" Fuller's voice sounded not at all pleased.

"Cap'n I have the slightest little question."

"For the hundredth time, Doug, no you may not drop water balloons off the…"

"No, I know that sir but I was wondering…you see…my niece is staying with me this weekend and I was wondering if I could have desk duty tomorrow and show her how things work around Jump Street."

"Desk duty?" Fuller didn't sound too happy, "Alright but if I give you desk duty, Tom's gonna have to have it too. McQuaids do everything together – including skip school."

"Thanks, Cap!"

"She won't be a bother, will she?"

"No, of course not sir. You'll hardly notice her!"


End file.
